one last thing about dreams...

depression
Originally uploaded by antje b.

... is that some are just out of your reach. Making them real wouldn't only depend on you but on any number of factors outside your control, and no amount of willing them along will clear the obstacles. It is important to realise when that is the case and to be able to let them go.

It is painful, sometimes it feels like without this one dream, there is nothing left to live for, but as we say in Germany: better an end with horror than horror without an end.

To be able to move on, one needs to lay the broken ones to rest and start dreaming again...

the other thing about dreams...

little girl with a balloon
Originally uploaded by antje b.

... is that there are those whose pursuit (or lack of it) defines us as personalities, makes up the fabric of our lives. Those dreams we should hold dear, guard, and defend against any negative outside influence.

My advice for dealing with your own dreams, no matter of which kind: cherish them, be glad you have enough imagination to have them, and act on them if you possibly can; if they are bad, be glad that you can wake up.

My advice for dealing with the dreams of people you care about: encourage them or at least respect them, as you would want others to do yours. Everyone needs encouragement to grow, and dreams are the seeds of growth in real life. Nobody likes to be surrounded by people who go bursting their bubble.

the thing about dreams...

a lifetime ago
Originally uploaded by antje b.

... is that we all know some of them are only cinema in the head, never to come true, and we don't need them to come true, either. The real value of those dreams is that they prove to us that we are still able to look beyond our comfortable little ruts we've settled in, they are a helpful reminder that we haven't lost our ability to think outside the box we've built around ourselves over the years. And sometimes that is absolutely enough...

one step too far...

sadness
Originally uploaded by antje b.

During a job in Eastbourne I had the opportunity to spend a glorious afternoon walking along one of the most beautiful stretches of coastline I have had the privilege to visit. Chalk cliffs so white they would be blinding if the sun shone onto them directly, the sea a pastel turquoise where it is shallow, the sky a clear blue with enough fluffy cloud to make it interesting, and an expanse of saturated green all the way up to the cliff edge. And that's where I noticed them... three crosses behind a fence.

Quite by accident, having quickly snapped a few images of the crosses before anyone could ruin the shot by standing in it, I made the best of someone doing exactly that. Only later on I realised that probably for the first time I managed to take the kind of picture that I had always wanted to take: one that tells a complete short story with very economical visual means. There is the woman, obviously touched by something. Follow her gaze, and you see the crosses, one with a bunch of old dried-up flowers. Move your gaze along in the same direction, and you can just see the sea far below, which goes to explain the crosses.

I had heard before that the nearly 180m high cliff doesn't just look imposing, it also attracts people who can't see a point in continuing their lives. I know I was up there on a stunning day and don't know what it looks like on a wet, foggy, dull day to someone who is obviously already depressed. Nor did I step all the way to the edge even to have a look, after all, chalk isn't as solid as granite, and bits and pieces do break off when the sea down below has hollowed out enough of the cliff face. However, the height is so imposing that the natural instinct would be to take a step back, anyhow.

I find it difficult to understand what could make people take that one step too far, especially in view of the awe-inspiring beauty of the place.

the bihn bag...

my Bihn bag

Originally uploaded by antje b.

I recently got my hands on a Co-Pilot bag by Tom Bihn, which I had ordered after succumbing to the powers of persuasion of my dear friend Edmond Terakopian. Quite frankly, when I first saw it, I was a bit disappointed and on the verge of sending it back as it seemed quite a bit too small for all the stuff that I usually carry around with me. The bag won't just fit neatly under the seat in front of you on a plane, there will even be enough room left for my food bag from the sandwich shop of my choice (of which I may write at some other point) once I'm through security.

So, imagine my surprise when during my initially cynical attempt to take the contents of my regular shoulder bag and transfer it to the neat Co-Pilot, I found that everything did fit in, including my Olympus E-P2 plus 17mm lens and electronic viewfinder. And the compartment for the water bottle was still empty!

Although I already used to buy my shoulder bags with neat compartmentalisation in mind (and would occasionally somehow DIY more pockets into them), I have never before had a bag that had everything as neatly stored yet accessible as this one. Hopefully the days of searching through my bag for what seems like forever just for my anti-bacterial hand gel or lip balm are over.

I even managed to keep my mobile and the purse with my credit cards away from each other (in normal hand or shoulder bags they are rather thoughtlessly put right next to each other), yet I can get to both of them easily and without having to take the bag off my shoulder. Also, the lack of any magnetic poppers means less risk for any of my data carriers.

It's true, Bihn's Co-Pilot is not made from soft buttery expensive leather, but that's really an advantage on business trips as it makes it so much lighter. Equally, its shape may not be funky or the dernier cri fashion-wise but its amazing functionality makes it a thing of beauty in its own right. Apart from that it makes up points in the style stakes with the cute check pattern of the steel/solar dyneema option that I went for, which will go very nicely with the muted colours I prefer for my jackets and coats.

The laptop, cables, and chargers that I usually take with me when I travel for work won't fit in but that's fine. I've always had those in the carry-on suitcase, anyway, to keep the weight off my shoulder and on rollers instead, and I'm happy to leave it like that. Especially since I already do have at least four books in my bag at any one time – a rather hefty leather-bound journal, one to read, a big sudoku one and a notebook. So leaving aside the weight of the leather, the Co-Pilot should be as sometimes painfully heavy as my previous bag. It obviously isn't because of the much lighter nylon material, and on top of that the super-comfortable non-slip Absolute shoulder strap makes it feel lighter still. I also found that the broad and comfortable foam part of the strap gives the tiniest of bounces to the bag when walking, just enough to compensate for the bag's gravity on each step. What a wonderful idea and what bliss for my shoulder!

I'm beginning to think I might get to like this bag so much that I'll be using it every day. We could become inseparable. :-)

P.S.: I walked around for about 4 miles from Beachy Head back into Eastbourne (with a few detours) and found the Co-Pilot really comfortable to carry even for this longer period of time on uneven terrain. I wish I'd had this bag already for the hikes with my parents in the Harz mountains back in August!